The Original Love Triangle
by RannonSolo7
Summary: Much of Hunger Games fanfiction focuses on the Katniss/Peeta/Gale love triangle but on a visit to District 12 many years after the end of the War Mrs. Everdeen reunites with her daughter while reflecting on the original love triangle she shared with the men in her life. Her visit prompts healing but also brings up ghosts from the past. Everlark through the eyes of Mrs. Everdeen.


I am a horrible mother. It has been 20 years since I have seen my daughter and I have never seen my grandchildren. I could not return to District 12 after the war, it was too full of ghosts for me. I have built a life for myself in District 4. It is a life of work and I love being a healer. My work gave me strength and purpose again and a reason to go on. The guilt that is eating me alive is being caused by my full knowledge that Katniss understands that. She understands that it gave me purpose while she did not, at least not enough for me to face the past for her. This is a pattern that we keep reliving; first with the death of her father and then with the death of Prim. I love her, but not enough to keep my sanity. She is not enough to keep me anchored to this world.

I would not have come back at all but for the letters and pictures that Peeta sends. Katniss and I speak regularly by telephone but the conversation is often strained or restricted to small talk about the weather or the bakery. I do not know if she is aware of the letters he sends or my lack of response to them. He is a master artist with both paints and words and has kept me up to date on the life he shares with my daughter and now my grandchildren too. Through the years despite all of the pictures and lengthy descriptions he has sent he never once asked me to visit until a few months ago. I still recall the words written in his slanted script: _Please come. She is a woman now and she is ready to love you. She understands. I want you here too. You are the only mother I have._

Those words run through my head giving me the strength I need to get up out of my seat and move forward as the train chugs to a stop at the station. I have not been here since Katniss returned from her first games. I am the only woman exiting the train; all of the others are men who are likely coming for work in the new factory that has been built. I brace myself for the onslaught of grief I expect to feel when I breathe District 12 air for the first time without Primrose. It doesn't come. Instead, I feel an immense feeling of awe as I step onto the platform and come face to face with the eyes of the two men I loved more than anything in this life.

Katniss looks more like James than ever. If anything the years have darkened her olive skin and her grey eyes have more mature depths than when I saw her last. I reach out and give her a hug which she returns stiffly and I can feel that her body has matured and filled out as well the result of having enough food to eat and bearing two children. Her eyes flit away from mine and I can tell that this is not the moment to tell her how much I have missed her and the man who gave her to me. It will indeed be a long road to healing for me and my eldest.

Peeta is grinning ear to ear and he sweeps me up in a big hug with a "Mom, we are so glad you could come." I want to smile back at him but instead I stare at him stupidly and reach a hand up to touch his blond curls. I am staring into the face of Leven the day I came to the bakery and he told me that Peeta had been born. "Lilly, we had another boy" he had bragged. I was 7 months along with Katniss at the time and was so excited to see him happy that I came around the corner and gave him the warmest hug I could given my extended belly. It was the first time I had touched him since the day I told him that I was going to marry James and when I felt him inhale my scent I knew it was a mistake. He looked a little wounded when I pulled away and the awkwardness that settled between us only dissipated when his two other boys burst into the room chasing each other and fighting as only brothers can.

I hate that I hurt Leven and I did. He loved me more than most women are loved in a lifetime and I ripped his heart out. He was devastated when I told him that after several years of dating and betrothal that I was leaving the merchant quarter to marry James. When I explained to him how much James made me feel and how I had to be with him he understood because that was the way he felt about me. I loved Leven too and if I could have lived two lifetimes I would have spent one married to each of them, but that is not the way this cruel world works and in the end I had to choose James. I was too passionate about him not to. That is why it was so confusing when I felt a huge pang of jealously when I heard that Leven and Corrin were to marry and that she was pregnant. I had no right to feel that way and I never told James but I also never stopped feeling it.

It was difficult to watch over the years as Corrin grew cold to him and to his sons and I knew that it was my fault. I loved James and the life we built together and I was never sorry that I married him. Our daughters were beautiful and our world was full of life even though we were poor. The accident shattered everything. His loss was more than I could bare and it left me dead inside and unable to get out of bed for weeks. As much as I loved my daughters I could not care for them and everything fell to Katniss. I did not know it at the time, but that is when Leven stepped in to save us not directly but through Peeta and the bread. Years later I would catch his eye when our children stood assembled on reaping day. When Katniss and Peeta left for the first games I wanted so badly to fling myself in his arms and cry like a little girl. I knew he would hold me if I went to him but I also knew that it was not fair to him. I had made my choice and I was going to have to live with it. Now I wish I would have given that comfort to both of us. It would not have mattered the consequence to his marriage as he would be dead within a year.

I focus on the man before me and feel how strong a steady he is. I might have been his mother if I had chosen differently. It must have been fated because even my rejection of his father did not stop him from being my son in the end. As we turn to leave I notice how his hand falls to the small of Katniss's back and comes to rest there and guide her through the small group of people standing around. I smile because I know how that feels and I am happy that she has that comfort from the man she loves.

"Where are the children?" I ask, anxious to meet my grandbabies. "Haymitch" is all Katniss says as she walks purposefully back towards the Victors Village. Without thinking I do something completely ridiculous and question her parenting right away. "You leave your children alone with Haymitch?" Katniss stops to turn around and look at me and in that second I know that I have made a grave mistake. "No, of course not. We send them to visit with all of the other members of their family who live here." The minute I hear these words I realize for the first time how truly alone this young family is. Peeta's relatives are all dead now, James was buried when Katniss was just eleven, and Prim when she was a teenager. I am all they have and I never returned. Haymitch is the real parent now and I need to learn to respect that.

We finish the rest of the walk in silence as a cool spring breeze chills our skin and the sun peeking through the clouds tries to ward it away. My eyes are straining as Haymitch's house comes into view and suddenly I see them. A beautiful raven haired little girl sits next to Haymitch on a child sized rocking chair. She is playing with animal toys that have been carved out of wood and I can see that Haymitch is working on a new one beside her. She looks just like Katniss at that age but her skin tone is lighter and much more merchant than seam. When we reach the front of the porch and she looks up at us I see Mellark blue eyes starting back at me. She seems unsure about my presence but holds up a wooden turtle and smiles at her parents. "Look what Uncle Haymitch made me" she says in delight. "It is a magic sea turtle from District 4. Can we see a real one someday?" Peeta lifts his daughter into his arms and kisses her cheek. "Maybe someday sweetie, but right now we have something even better from District 4, Grandma."

I look at the ground. This is the first time I have ever been called Grandma. I know there will be no magic sea turtle visits, at least not for my daughter. She has been assigned to District 12 and has never been cleared to leave. I am just about to tell her about the sea turtle when I feel a little tug at my skirt. Pudgy fingers are fisted in the blue fabric as a miniature version of Peeta looks up at me with playful grey eyes. When I pick him up to have a better look at him he is surprisingly heavy and solid. He smiles at me and smears a disgustingly wet opened mouth kiss across the side of my face. Katniss smiles for the first time and takes him from me. "I should have warned you that this one is a lover" she laughs as she strokes his small back. The moment relieves the earlier tension and we visit with Haymtich a while longer before returning to Katniss and Peeta's home.

It surprises me that my daughter chose to live in the Victor's Village in the long term and did not build a new house or live above the bakery that Peeta now owns and operates in town. When I walk through the front door I know why. Each room is filled with paintings of them together and of the children that followed. There are also wood carvings, undoubtedly from Haymitch. Katniss's hunting gear hangs in the back hall and the kitchen is stocked full of baking ingredients along with every cooking utensil I have ever seen. Murals of the beautiful nature that surrounds District 12 are painted on the bedroom walls: the meadow in the children's rooms and the lake at sunset in the master. This is not the cold sterile capital house that Katniss, Prim, and I lived in together in fear. This is their home and it is teeming with the life they have built together.

We eat a simple lunch of sandwiches and soup. Peeta is still a master craftsman with words and he has no trouble directing a light and lively conversation making sure to include everyone in the room. I smile a little to myself as I see how he holds my daughter's hand under the table or how from time to time it will come to rest on the back of her chair or her thigh. I knew they were taking care of each other and that Katniss cared deeply for him but it is clear to see that they are in love and that reassures me that she will be fine. After the dishes are cleared Katniss lays the youngest down for a nap and Peeta takes my granddaughter to work the afternoon shift at the bakery with him.

It is a clear attempt to give mother and daughter time alone together and we sit at in the living room together awkwardly. I try to make small talk but Katniss cuts me off with her words and her steely grey eyes. "You didn't come." I expect her to continue but she just keeps starting at me. I know it will not be easy but I try to explain. "I wasn't ready to come back to 12 after the war honey; it was too soon after your sister." I realize that seems like a weak excuse given that Katniss didn't have a choice but to face it but it is the truth. "That's not what I meant" she counters. "I didn't expect you to come back right away. Even Haymitch didn't want to be here. It reeked of death until they cleaned up the bodies. The only person who loved me enough to stay here by choice was Peeta and I didn't even expect it from him. I meant when I called you and told you that I was pregnant." I can tell that she is fighting back tears now. "I thought that you would come and deliver the baby that you would want to be here." I think a moment before I speak. "I wasn't ready to face the ghosts Katniss. Not just Prim but your also your father and now that some time has passed I can admit that it is hard to think of Leven too."

Her ears perk up at the mention of Peeta's father and she gives me a questioning look. It is time that I explain this to her. "He was my first love and although I chose your father and was happy I never stopped caring for him. I lost him in the bombing of 12 just like Peeta did." I pause for a moment and a memory of Katniss from District 13 comes to mind. "Katniss do you remember when Gale went on the mission to rescue Peeta from the capital and we lost contact with them?" She nods and blinks several times as if trying to ward off the feelings that come with the memory. "And do you remember what you asked Haymitch when it was clear that we could not reestablish the signal?" Her eyes fall to the floor as she whispers "Did I lose them both tonight?" I lift her chin up so that she can see my eyes when I tell her "I lost them both. Then I lost my baby girl and it was too much for me to handle. I am so sorry."

My daughter has always been stronger than me and she pulls me close as the tears run down my face. "It's ok Mom, I understand. When Peeta was in the capital I was useless and I didn't take care of Prim either." I cannot believe what I am hearing. After all of these years she is still blaming herself. "What happened to her was not your fault Katniss. It was President Coin and you made sure she never hurt another child again." I am pulled close tight against her but I can feel her shaking her head. "That's not what I meant Mom. Before that when we were in 13 I wasn't there for her. I was such an internal wasteland that I wasn't even paying attention." We hold each other and cry for a few more minutes before she whispers into my hair that she loves me and that she forgives me and that she just doesn't want me to stay away. I promise that I won't anymore and she gives that little laugh that I know comes more from nerves than it does from humor that I remember from her childhood. Peeta was right, she has grown up and she is ready to move on.

Haymitch comes for dinner and I feel like I am back with family for the first time in forever as we clear the dishes and play card games. After I read stories to the children Katniss and Peeta show me to the guest bedroom before retiring to their own. I lay on my back staring at the ceiling with a hundred thoughts and memories running through my mind when I hear it: a soft knocking against the wall. It has been so long since I have heard that sound that at first I cannot place it. As the pace of it increases it is the cadence that gives it away and I blush a little and stifle a small giggle. After a moment I hear an accompanying moan and realize that I am listening to my own daughter take pleasure from her husband. The thought makes me more than a little bit uncomfortable and I cannot help but laugh out loud into the room when her moans become sharp cry before the movement of their bed ceases. I think back to my first time with Leven and how kind and caring he was with me or the nights of crazy passion I had with James during our early marriage before the girls came along. I cry into my pillow and it is a mix of sorrow for my loss and joy for what my daughter has found. The irony is not lost on me that I am staying in a house filled with the only descendants of the two men that I loved. Their children are down the hall right now probably making all three of us another grandchild.

Three days later I walk through the meadow a small hand in each of mine. My visit has been a good one but I am taking the afternoon train home. I need to return to the hospital and the patients who need me. I have a small jar in my bag that contains some ashes from where Prim's body was eliminated by fire. It likely contains the remains of a mixture of several children but it is all I have of her. There was nothing but this left to bury and it has been sitting on a shelf in my small apartment for 20 years waiting to be returned to District 12. As I walk over the familiar path where Katniss and Prim played so many times as girls it pains my heart to think that Leven is buried somewhere beneath the surface. He died without ever seeing his son grow into manhood and become a father himself. As I watched my daughter work with Peeta yesterday stocking the shelves with bread it occurred to me that she became what I had passed up: the baker's wife.

We stop at the small graveyard at the edge of the woods and I find the name James Everdeen. I sink to me knees with tears running down my face as I slowly poor the contents of the jar around the marker. "Please take care of our baby" I whisper to my husband. I stand and take Katniss's hand and tell him "I am going to take care of this one." She wraps her arm around my waist as we walk back to the station and I feel a peace descend between us. "Do you need more time to say goodbye to them?" Katniss asks. I reflect for a moment and then shake my head with a melancholy smile. "I am not saying goodbye to them honey. I see them both every time I look at you and at Peeta and these perfect little angels." Before I board the train I take both of her hands in mine. "Make the most of this life you have with him Katniss. I never thought you would be this happy but now that I see it I know that it is real." She and Peeta both hug me goodbye and the children are already crying for Grandma. As my train pulls out of sight I am amazed to be the mother and grandmother of the living legacy of the greatest men of my life.


End file.
